Alex Riley the All-American Jobber

A fan turned me on to Alex Riley recently. I only watch matches online now so I'm always a bit behind. To be honest, I didn't think much of him at first glance.















His feud against Jinder Mahal was too similar to the one Ted DiBiase Jr. had and Ted was (and always will be) an all-American stud.

However, I really enjoyed seeing Ted getting worked over by the evil Jinder, so I decided to grant him some more eye-time ...

... and soon I was hooked! First off, his greatest asset is ... well, his ass. Big, thick, totally plowable. With that comes a pair of meaty quads perfect for grabbing and feeling up.

The other thing you might be starting to notice is that A-Ry (as he's called, no doubt an attempt to relate him to another all-American A-Rod) has a great suffering face.

His face scrunches so tightly when he's in pain and his mouth opens up so widely. You can just imagine that this is the face you get to see if you're the lucky guy to pop this stud's cherry.

I didn't notice Alex because imo he's not as good looking as Ted. Not a fan of the "shaved sides and medium top" haircut. His body isn't as defined as the Marine 2 actor either.










Another interesting physical trait I noticed is that Alex has a cross tattooed on his upper back. Similar to Vic Capri who I blogged about recently on my other blog.

That's Vic on the left, A-Ry on the right. Both have nice backsides.

Role of Commentator

The commentator eroticizes the all-American hero's suffering by repeatedly reminding us of his masculinity and vulnerability. The commentator Scott, interestingly male, notes on his masculinity here at 32:40:

"I've never seen a guy get more marriage proposals on Twitter than Alex Riley ... I understand he's a good-looking kid. He's well-built. He's got all the tools."

Would a male commentator in any other sport marvel at another guy's marriage proposals? It either sounds like envy or the homoerotic interpretation is wishing A-Ry would accept his proposal. "He's got all the tools" ... well, in this context sounds weird and is just begging for homoerotic accusations. Oh, I'm sure he's got all the tools alright.

The other commentator Josh notes on A-Ry's vulnerability later at 34:44:

"Alex Riley has, in the past, used things like Twitter in tow(?) to ask the WWE universe, 'Hey, how can I beat this guy? Have you guys seen any flaws in Superstars? What can I do to utilize different moves?'"

He displays A-Ry's desperation: this man, who's a professional in his field, is so helpless he's asking his fans for advice. Most fans are not professionals in wrestling and therefore don't know any better, but he's desperate. This all-American 6'3" 236 lb former quarterback stud is a impotent against this foreign menace who's 14 lbs lighter. As Josh points out emphatically post-match at 38:28:

"Alex Riley just had no choice … watch his hand riiiiight now tap out!"

Did I mention how hot it is seeing A-Ry suffer?

Note, I always figure others have written about guys since I'm usually so late to the party and Riley is no exception. Turns out Wrestling Arsenal has a 7-part series dedicated to the "Strife of Riley." I see parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... where are the last two?! You promised 7 parts, and I don't want to see A-Ry in his announcer clothing either!! Beefcakes of Wrestling also amasses a great quantity and quality of pics with 35 posts to date. Ringside has a great article about Alex's sexually tense relationship with Miz. And Inner Jobber details the debut of the brutal Lord Tensai and our lucky virgin jobber is none other than our all-American hero.

I leave with some more images of Jinder Mahal's dominance over A-Ry. I love how Mahal's camel clutch de-masculinizes Alex, stretching his beefy pecs flat and protruding his chiseled abs into a beer gut. My attention is mostly focused on the suffering all-American, but I revel in Mahal's evil villain face victory as much as him.